What's the most valuable lesson you've learned in life, and how has it impacted your journey so far?

Remember, kids, masturbation will make you see the devil everywhere!

Marijuana makes Jesus cry!

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Which race of women are the hottest?

But Tess! I mean Betty! I mean Veronica! (I can never remember who is who) which ever one you are, I love you!

Just you, me, in a vat of lime jello, pulling hair, calling each other names …

Gadzooks! It's Torchy Todd slumming it in Yugoslavian science fiction! The shame!

Why do I have an itch in my labia, white gooey and thick discharge which doesn't have a smell but my vagina does sometimes and both me and my partner do not have STDs, what is it?

I hear you're a stunt-double now for Fred in Scooby-Doo.

Of all the layoffs, Torchy Todd and her gal pal, Tess Parker, were hit the hardest.

Torchy thinks: Maybe I could play a gangster's moll since apparently smoking is still seen as wholesome and American.

Why are fewer English people going to their local pubs for a drink? Are they aware that many pubs are shutting down due to lack of customers?

Yes, Tess, crime doesn't pay but apparently Rated-G horror does.

¡Explotando Dick por todos lados!

Make Nazis afraid again!

Why does my dog keep licking at her privates now? She is 7 years old and has barely started licking there. The vet said she’s fine but she keeps doing that.

Dick! I heard about the lay-off. What's a square-jaw crime fighter doing these days to bring in the bling?

Perhaps now we can explore what being a “gal pal” really means.

Every day is a good day to punch a Nazi! I mean MAGA! I mean the Comics Code Authority! (I can never remember who is who)

Do any members of BTS have significant others in real life? If so, why do they choose not to discuss it publicly?

Speaking of which, poor Cleo Coco has ended up appearing in anti-vice pamphlets.

Shameless vixen! Trollop!

Before there was MAGA there was … the Comics Code Authority

Are people who cite the 2nd Amendment honestly familiar with what it establishes?

“Your boyfriend is a total perv, mommy.”

In 1954 complete bastard and censorship campaigner Fredric Wertham published a book for the stated goal of creating a moral panic around comic book's alleged impact on juvenile delinquency. Much like the House Committee on Un-American Activities' disastrous impact on the film industry, the Comics Code Authority (obey, puny humans) put many hardworking comic book characters out of work all because of one poorly written book called …

Let's do what we always do, lay around half-naked while men make terrible jokes at our expense.

Can shaving hair by Veet in our vagina cause diseases?

Tess' boyfriend, Ed, now works as a Peter Lorre impersonator.

Sex! Lingerie! Knock knock jokes!

Two letters of transit signed by General De Gaulle … Stimpy, you eediot!

If Russia needs the resources to fund the war in Ukraine, why doesn’t it throw open its doors to visa free western tourism? Enough people would be interested, & it would start to get some hard currency as €, CHF, £, SEK, $, JPY in the tills at shops.

And I ended up moonlighting in Japanese porn, but the less said about that the better.

And then working as Betty and Veronica's body doubles ...

Torchy, we're unemployed … And no one is hiring scantily-clad wastrels these days.

Is it accurate to say that while Donald Trump has "America First" policy, the Democratic Party has "Other nations first" policy?

At least until the peyote kicks in ...

Only zombies dig to rock and roll, daddy-O!

Times might be tough … But at least there's one thing we all agree on.

If you were a writer for HBO, how would you rewrite the final season of Game of Thrones?

Ironically, Wertham focused on stories about crime, singling out Batman and Robin for its gay subtext and Dick Tracy for its violence.

I've also been making ends meet ... By appearing in Tijuana splatter comics as Evil Gringo #2.

After you lather me up with that strawberry hand lotion.

Is The Last of Us Part 2 really as woke as people say it is?

In order to answer this I came up with a little story that goes like this …